Monday, November 16, 2009

Don't lose any sleep

St. Laurent, Quebec, Reuters: Canadian scientists have discovered a “genetic switch” that when chemically tweaked allows a person to shut off the automatic mechanism that causes us to breath unaided. Of the twenty students at St. Laurent College, who were part of the trials, Ramon Piquette was almost euphoric over the results. “This is so totally awesome,” Piquette effused in a halting manner, stopping to inhale three times in those five words. “It takes a little bit to get used to, but I’ve never felt so in control of my life, so powerful, so fully alive as I have since I took command over my breathing.”

Charlotte Campbell, from British Columbia who’s studying at St. Laurent College said that her parents were frantic when they found out she was part of the voluntary breathing trials. “My dad actually thinks that I’m too dumb to breath on my own.” Having nearly fainted twice earlier in the day, Charlotte is determined to not let those small set backs keep her from enjoying her new found freedom. “You don’t realise how much time you waste thinking about other stuff until breathing comes under your control. That’s when you learn how to concentrate and focus. I feel like I'm almost one with myself.”

Others aren’t so sure that this is a helpful discovery. “Personally, I don’t see what’s so great about this,” says Scott Tourette, another member of the trials. “Forget about making out while you’re on manual. I almost killed myself four times with Sherri McConnel on Friday night. It’s a really stupid thing to do. Especially if you’ve been drinking - this is dangerous shit.”

All the students who take part in the trials have to return to the lab by ten o’clock each evening when they are given a chemical, the name of which so far remains undisclosed, that turns the switch back on and presto! everyone is breathing on automatic again.

Asked if there are any real world practical applications for this discovery, a team coordinator who asked to remain anonymous said, “So far the military and police interrogation teams have been the only ones showing any interest. There won’t be any need for torture any more. Put some terrorist on manual breathing for a couple days and I guarantee, you’re gonna be getting a lot of information.”


tinkbell13 said...

I like this posting. However, I question if you posted it to undermine the study of genomes.

So, I would also like to point out to you that similar studies have been done and they have been able to locate master switches for things such as chronic pain and cancer. Here are two articles if you would like to check it out. (Pain) (Cancer)

And, actually, there could be a use for learning where that switch is. A person having respiratory distress could be switched over when their nervous system is working on overtime.

Makarios said...

"I question if you posted it to undermine the study of genomes."

Ya, that's what I was doing tb; I was trying to undermine genome studies.

It's no wonder people hate inviting atheists to parties.

Normal person at party: (Tells a great joke)

Atheist person: "Actually, there was a study done on that. Here, I have the link for it written down. It's in my purse. Let me get it for you, and maybe we could discuss it."

Gandolf said...

They are looking at trying to find a switch that makes humans grow new teeth,like we do when young.

The switch always turns off after our new set of teeth replaces the baby set.

They figure if they can learn to turn on the switch again.It will save folks needing to buy false teeth etc.

tinkbell13 said...

Yes, cause it is so bad to be informed and engaged with events that happen around the world that affect all of us.

Ginx said...

Now if they just found the switch for humor...

Makarios said...

Yes, cause it is so bad to be informed and engaged with events that happen around the world that affect all of us."

Ya, sorry, my comment was not needed.

And as to the humour Ginx, well, I thought it was funnny at the time. My H1N1 has morphed into pneumonia so there isn't a lot of oxygen getting above the shoulders. I'd spent so many hours lying as still as can be, trying control the air flow going in and out so as not to trigger a coughing fit that I woke up one night and kind of panicked because I couldn't remember if I was on "in" or "out."

Like I said, not a lot of oxygen happening right now.

tinkbell13 said...

Not good, sit up as much as you can and breathe. I have had pneumonia three times. If it gets worse, get to an ER. I am sorry to hear that.

Ginx said...

Aww, I meant the atheist humor switch, not yours Mak.

I swear I don't come here to criticize you... exclusively :P

Makarios said...

How can I feel like a persecuted Christian if you have other reasons for coming here?