St. Laurent, Quebec, Reuters: Canadian scientists have discovered a “genetic switch” that when chemically tweaked allows a person to shut off the automatic mechanism that causes us to breath unaided. Of the twenty students at St. Laurent College, who were part of the trials, Ramon Piquette was almost euphoric over the results. “This is so totally awesome,” Piquette effused in a halting manner, stopping to inhale three times in those five words. “It takes a little bit to get used to, but I’ve never felt so in control of my life, so powerful, so fully alive as I have since I took command over my breathing.”
Charlotte Campbell, from British Columbia who’s studying at St. Laurent College said that her parents were frantic when they found out she was part of the voluntary breathing trials. “My dad actually thinks that I’m too dumb to breath on my own.” Having nearly fainted twice earlier in the day, Charlotte is determined to not let those small set backs keep her from enjoying her new found freedom. “You don’t realise how much time you waste thinking about other stuff until breathing comes under your control. That’s when you learn how to concentrate and focus. I feel like I'm almost one with myself.”
Others aren’t so sure that this is a helpful discovery. “Personally, I don’t see what’s so great about this,” says Scott Tourette, another member of the trials. “Forget about making out while you’re on manual. I almost killed myself four times with Sherri McConnel on Friday night. It’s a really stupid thing to do. Especially if you’ve been drinking - this is dangerous shit.”
All the students who take part in the trials have to return to the lab by ten o’clock each evening when they are given a chemical, the name of which so far remains undisclosed, that turns the switch back on and presto! everyone is breathing on automatic again.
Asked if there are any real world practical applications for this discovery, a team coordinator who asked to remain anonymous said, “So far the military and police interrogation teams have been the only ones showing any interest. There won’t be any need for torture any more. Put some terrorist on manual breathing for a couple days and I guarantee, you’re gonna be getting a lot of information.”