Monday, December 18, 2006

Jenna Jameson announces much anticipate followup to "How To Make Love Like A Porn Star" (satire)

Jenna Jameson announced today that she had completed the "natural sequel" to her runaway best seller "How To Make Love Like a Porn Star." In a press conference held this morning in L.A., Jameson stated that "How To Make Love Last Like a Porn Star" will be ready for January 15th release. With her latest boyfriend by her side Jameson cooed that this book would reveal the secrets of having a "really short long-term relationship." Whether you simply aren’t marriage material, or a really poor judge of character or just a whore who wants to make a lot of money, Jameson claimed these secrets can be applied by nearly everyone. "In fact I can’t even claim these tactics as my mine and mine alone. They’ve been taught to fans by almost everyone in the entertainment industry for decades. I’ve just compiled them in an easy to learn format." Jamison said that if people didn’t think she had the brains to write such a book they should just look to friends like, Britney, Jude, Kate, Brad and "a whole lot of other Jennifers who have been imitating my example for years. These people’s philosophy of life is proof positive that you can destroy relationships and promote oneself at the same time." When asked by one reporter, how people could know if they were in love, J.J. as she likes to be called replied, "Like, that’s easy. If the person that you want to fuck is cute, and rich and desired by others then, like, you’re in love." To make sure that it's true love and not just infatuation Jenna advised people to look for telltale signs of love like, possessive controlling behaviours, or the sometimes hard to recognise greed / need / lust combination. She cautioned that true love is jealous and obsessive and absent of the pseudo freedom promoted by amateurs. "Of course love is sex but most of all true love is based on impulse and defies all rational self-control. Really all you need to find love, especially in my business, is to be emotionally stunted, sexually disoriented, morally bankrupt, relationally retarded and spiritually deluded."
One Canadian reporter stated that he and his wife of 34 years didn’t agree with her beliefs nor with her lifestyle. He said he enjoyed something called the "1st Corinthians 13 Love." According to this reporter, he and his wife have the kind of marriage whereby they understand love as being patient and kind. He said that they had a love that does not envy or boast, that it isn’t proud or rude or self-seeking or easily angered. He said that he and his wife’s love keeps no record of wrongs and doesn’t delight in evil. "It always rejoices in the truth," he continued, "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." When he finished by saying that theirs was the kind of love that never fails, Jameson responded with, "Huh?"

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