Thoughts on Christian Marriage

Colossians 3:2 - “Set your minds on the things above, not on things on earth.”

Just some thoughts on something that all of us need to be reminded about over and over and over in our Christian walk in marriage. The things that happen to us, the things that aggravate us, the events that take place in our relationships are nothing more than that; they are events. The event (for example one’s partner’s irresponsible behaviour or another partner’s hurtful comments) are not the most important thing to pay attention to. They feel like it, but they aren’t.

I’m not trying to downplay the significance of these or other events. I’m not saying that when one person does something disappointing or when the other person says something hurtful that it doesn’t matter. In fact, I’m saying that these events have more significance than they appear to have on the surface. I’m saying that the changes that these two “events” are meant to bring about in us are what’s important. Pretty confusing? Let me say it this way.

As Christians, we have a promise from God. I can tell you from 26 years of experience as a Christian and after 34 years of marriage that this is a promise that is 100% accurate. Here it is. “In all things [events], God will bring about something good in those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”(Romans 8:28). (Inclusion of “events” mine.)

That promise was made by God, to all of His followers. The behaviours or events that satan is using to try to destroy you, the things that satan is using to try to tear apart your marriage, the things that satan is using to try to create a broken and chaotic home for your children, God will use to bring about good, if you love Him.

But what is the good that God brings out of these things or these events? The answer is found in verse 29. “For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son . . .”

If, instead of focussing on how we’ve been wronged by our spouse, we ask God to help us focus on, “What are You trying to teach me in this situation, Lord?” then God will be able to teach us and to change us. Why is that a good thing? It’s good for at least two reasons:

1) The more that I’m like Jesus, the less that I’ll be doing or saying things that hurt my spouse.

2) The more that I’m like Jesus, the less that I’ll retaliate in hurtful ways when I’m treated badly or with disrespect by my spouse.

This is good news for any Christian marriage. Whenever I do something that is not being as kind to Wendy as I could or should, it’s a reminder to me that I need to draw closer to Jesus. And when I listen to that reminder (and that’s hard to do in the heat of the moment) I begin to treat Wendy better. That’s because Jesus’ Spirit in me causes me to do that. On my own, I’m not that nice. When I let Jesus work through me, I become nicer.

The Bible tells us that the Fruit of the Spirit, or the consequences of allowing God’s Spirit to work in us are: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control (Galatians 5:22). I want to have a character like that! I need to have a character like that for our marriage to be all that I want it to be. Only God can bring that about in me.

But why this lengthy process? I mean, God could heal us immediately if He wanted to. The reason that God takes us along a difficult path, the reason that God brings / allows difficult events and people to come into our lives is because that is how we become strong in our faith. These difficulties force us to continually depend on Him. Without increasing faith in God, we continually repeat old destructive behaviours. Only in Him do we find true life.