You're a Counsellor?

I've had that expressed to me a couple times now. I can't know for sure but I think that it comes from an errant expectation of what counsellors are like. It's just not true that on our days off, we counsellors stand on street corners handing out teddy bears. Some of us have affairs, abuse our children and do all sorts of harmful things to self and others. True, there are some counsellors who try to save the world, but they don't last long. They burn out. Is that a good thing? Of course not. Should I be more, um, compassionate to those with whom I interact on this blog? Mmm, I suppose.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure that I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Childhood abuse tends to do that to a person. I'm not making an excuse here. I chose a particularly malevolent coping mechanism. I've hurt many, many people over the years because of it. On the other hand, Jesus has taken this defective individual and has made and is making me into someone different. What you see is where I'm at on the journey. Hopefully in five years I'll be nicer than I am today. On the other hand, I can't honestly say I'm sorry that I'm not who some people expect me to be.

There's millions of us, you know. Most high-functioning sociopaths are in politics or law enforcement or they're CEO's of corporations. I happen to be a counsellor. I was also the Director of an Out Patient Counselling Centre. I don't think that I was a particularly good Director, but a Director nevertheless. The fact is, I turn compassion on and off like a light switch and if I may say, it's been pretty effective. Like an out of body experience I watched myself rocket through my craft. I'm manipulative and charming and I don't need the approval of others to feel ok about myself. Thus moving through layers of workplace politics came fairly easily. In fact the only time that I've really had to work at something, the only time that I recall putting out an effort in life was in getting my Graduate Degree. For some reason I cared about that.

Regardless of whether I should or not, I don't see atheist commentors as potential clients. Nor do I long for them to become a friend at some point in the future. In fact, my first response to their attacks is adversarial in nature so dialing back my responses requires HUGE amounts of energy. I could be nicer if I wanted but I pretty much use this blog as a place to vent. Being nice to others all day is a bit of a strain.

Finally, counselling feels like a friendship, but it is NOT a friendship. While I've become friends with many former clients, counselling is a relationship that is entered into deliberately with a designated goal in mind. If you notice, Person A pays money to Person B who in turn helps Person A get from where s/he is to where s/he wants to be. That is not a friendship. It is not unlike taking your vehicle to a mechanic. If you could fix it yourself you would.

This means that better feelings about self will not be the GOAL of counselling. Rather, feeling better will become a side benefit of adjusting beliefs and behaviours. Of course this raises the question, "Isn't it our job as counsellors to help people feel positive about themselves?" Well, not necessarily.

What counts is not negative or positive, but error or truth. If what you're doing isn't working then you either do something different and get different results or you keeping doing the same thing and get more of the same. Sometimes a person needs to feel heard and understood and I can do that. I'm actually very good at that. But I don't dish it out for those who are out to attack me and the God I worship. Attack me or mock me and "May your own blood be upon you. Muwahahahaha.

I'm off to the lake. See ya next week.

To Dream of Severe Mercies

I worked for several years at an In-Patient Treatment Centre. The patients were some of the most hurt and afflicted people that I’ve ever had the honour and privilege of counselling. Many of the adults had never learned to make a bed. If they had a sleeping bag while growing up they would have considered themselves rich. To be touched in a manner that wasn’t threatening or demeaning was an experience that was beyond reach of their memories. To these people, the dream of a better life topped out at a room with fewer rats and needles that weren’t so dull. Anyone who is able to read this can't imagine such stifled and diminished dreams.

And what are my dreams? Or yours for that matter? Do they top out at having just a little more money? An enviable home and a good looking partner? Would you consider yourself “blessed” if you could retire at 50 and spend winters in the tropics? Do you think that God would be astonished at how low we dream?

We, as Christians, are citizens of Heaven. The King of Kings, our Creator and Saviour loves us. For pagans, this life is as good as it's going to get. For us, this life is as bad as it's going to get. So why is our focus so low? Why are our dreams so drained of wonder and glory?

A dear and much younger friend of ours just got married. She has complications that will make getting pregnant significantly more difficult than it would be for “normal” people. Anyone who has wanted children but has been unable to conceive knows that this is nothing short of a tragedy. So what is this young woman’s attitude? She said that she is aware that God may have brought this about because He might have other children for her to raise; children that have not been born to her. This is a woman with a strong and mature faith and a solid trust in God. This is a woman who has learned that our deepest blessings most often come to us through God’s severe mercies. She knows that the surest pathway to a closer walk with God and the pathway that is most frequently used by Him to that end is through shattered dreams.

I think God must shake his head in despair and amazement when we “know” that a close relationship with Jesus is most vibrant in the midst of chaos, when we know the comfort that He brings in times of trouble and tragedy and yet we so often neglect to seek His presence, first and most, in times of crisis. Rather than seeking God’s presence in times of emotional or physical or relational pain, far too often we grab the nearest God-substitute and indulge to the limit. To God, our dreams of health and wealth, as though these things were the ultimate that we can experience, must make Him roll His eyes and groan.

O Lord help me to be open to Your desire to lavish Your love upon me. Help me to search for Your Love “As a deer pants for water.” Help me to remember that times of seeming hopelessness are designed specifically so that I can have a close and intimate relationship with you. Thank you most of all for Your severe mercies.